Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Day 81

Day 81. My daughter is 81 days old. Some of those days have gone by incredibly fast, others a little slower. But overall I've loved it. I always knew I wanted to be a mother but when they say nothing can prepare you it's completely true. I went into the hospital on May 7th, all excited thinking I was having amazing contractions only to find that my contractions were tiny and my body wasn't responding. The next day, thanks to my incredibly wonderful doctor, and my fabulously supportive husband, I had a c-section. And out came my daughter screaming her head off.
I knew that when I was pregnant I didn't want to find out what the baby was. My hubby, Joe, disagreed (but he let me win that battle). It was tough for 9 months not knowing what I was going to have. In the beginning we both wanted a boy but when it came down to it we knew we didn't care what what the baby was as long as he/she was happy & healthy.
I was very nervous to have a girl - you know those mother/daughter relationships can be very tense! But Joe told me I have the choice to make the relationship how I want it to be. So I'm working very hard to have fun with her (I guess you can only have fun with a baby who is only 81 days old).
As soon as they pulled Erin from my belly and my doctor said it's a girl with blond hair I cried! I was so incredibly happy to hear her screams and excited to have a little girl.
So here I am 81 days into it. And so far it's been great. In the beginning I was so excited to have 3 months off of work and it has been amazing. But I wasn't prepared for the transition from going to work everyday to taking care of someone who relied on me for everything. Everyone asked me how are you enjoying it? What am I supposed to say? I hate it? No I love it! I love spending time with her. Getting to know her, discovering what her cries mean. It's always a wonderful accomplishment figuring out why she is crying and getting her to stop. But in the beginning it was a little lonely. None of my friends have husbands or babies. I'm the first of "my kind". Plus I was somewhat nervous to take her places because everyone warns you of GERMS! And you definitely don't want to get an infant sick.
But now I'm 81 days into it and I face going back to work. I'm excited to go back to work because of the people I work with. But I know it's going to be so hard to leave her. Right now she is smiling and almost laughing! Sometimes when I'm changing her diaper and she is smiling up at me tears prickle my eyes because I know I won't be here to share this moment with her at 2:00 on a Wednesday.
What has my daughter taught me 81 days into it?
1) To laugh. Always laugh - even when she is SCREAMING her head off in the middle of the night.
2) I can do a lot of things with 1 arm/hand/finger
3) To pursue my hobbies so she can pursue her dreams
4) That I can get out of the house with all of her items and still look decent!
5) I can change her diaper in any bathroom - no matter how messy
6) That I am truly grateful for my husband who makes me laugh

So there you go - that's what I have learned in 81 days!

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